A Sick Tree Cannot Bear Good Fruits
“Anna, I’m telling you what I know, because one day, I will no longer be here… that day, you will think of me, and remember my words. But don’t worry, I will not leave until I know you have found your way.”
Tomorrow, it will be five years since Lalla, my grandmother has transitioned to the other side of Life. Five years already! Where did time go?
As I reminisce about Lalla and the elders, concern grows. I’m supposed to be on the computer right now, writing about how “Expectations, Pressure and Fear entered into my life, and blossomed into a powerful operating system.” I don’t know where to begin and I refuse to worry too much about it. I’ll just sit here and… look at some family photos.
I smile. I found a picture of Lalla and me laughing. I was in my mid-twenties, a time when Lalla and the elders often shook their heads in disbelief as they listened to my contemporaries and I try to persuade them to embrace and make theirs the shiny, new acquired truths from books that told us what to do to have successful and fulfilled lives.
“You are young, and you love new things. It’s normal. One day, you will understand and find value in the old truths we have taught you.”
I had to say something:
“I knew you wouldn’t understand. The person who wrote this book sold millions of copies.”
Grandmother Fanta, Lalla’s younger sister replied:
“Anna, money is good, but it’s not everything. I hope that one day, you will know that understanding who you truly are is more important than all the money you can have.”
And before we could voice our total disagreement, another elder added:
“You think you know it all because you went to school, while some of us do not know how to read or write. But you forgot that man walks owing to the contradiction of his feet—for when one foot is up, the other is down. Such is the great law of life—that all opposites are complementary. We know things that you don’t know, and that no books will ever teach you, and you know things that we are not aware of.
“Still, remember this: 1) a sick tree cannot bear good fruits; and 2) in your quest to know, tell us what you have learned and taken from others, are they better than what’s already in you but that you refuse to see?
On one side you had Lalla and the elders nodding and approving loudly; and on the other side we, the young people silent, and avoiding the disapproving eyes of our seniors. Finally, Granpa Umar with his deep, and soothing voice said:
“In this life, you will go through many, many trials. But your hardships will lead you to know the true you behind the appearance of things. These books you admire so much talk about the lives of people you do not know. You may want to imitate what they have done, and that’s not bad as long as you don’t forget that no one gets to live the same life, fate or destiny as their fellow man.
The experience of others can sometimes help you understand what is taking place in your own life. That’s why, we your elders, will never tell you what to do. When something happens to you that is similar to our own past experience, we tell you about it so that you know that you are not alone. Others before you have gone through similar situations. We know that being able to find people who have experienced before you some of the challenges you are going through can give you hope.
Grandpa Umar paused. The elders’ eyes were on us. We were all hears. Grandpa Umar, Lalla and all the seniors smiled. I want to believe that in that moment, they were relieved to see that we still valued their teachings. Granpa Umar cleared his throat:
“You know the story. I was tired. For years, life had not been kind to me. I was at the end of all that I could bear. I was ready to fall and never get up again. But then, out of nowhere, this big wall appeared. I made one last effort to get up and go lean against it. But when I reached it, the wall collapsed.
I fell down on my knees. I wanted to lay down, but suddenly, a big tree appeared. I forced myself to crawl the small distance and sit under it. But the moment I tried to lean against it, the tree vanished.
I inhaled, and as I exhaled, I saw a beautiful, and strong person walking towards me with their hand out. This is it, I thought. But as the person passed by, they couldn’t or didn’t want to see me. I couldn’t hold on to them because their hand disappeared. They walked away into the unknown.
“Enough!” I said to myself, “I will never try anything again.” As soon as I said that HOPE showed up. This flickering light in my heart refused to die. It stayed with me never letting go until I regained the will and the strength to rise again.”
Granpa paused again. Then:
“What we want you to remember from this little tale is that no matter what happens in your future, never give into despair. And stay away from anyone who cannot or doesn’t know how to give you hope.”
“The wall, the tree, and the person are basically illusions. They represent the people in your life that you are sure will always be there in your time of need, but when that time comes, they are nowhere to be found. They also symbolize the answers and solutions that are the right paths for some, but not for you.
Finally, the wall, the tree and the person represent the images and thoughts that you have of yourself that have nothing to do with the true you. For…”
Like a choir we said together:
“You are one and Many.”
Our elders laughed. We loved them and they loved us back. The story and its message were deep. I didn’t know how they were going to apply to my life, but I knew I would never forget Grandpa Umar’s words.
A Sick Tree Cannot Bear Good Fruits
My friends and I had recently started working. Our heads and our hearts were filled with dreams of conquest. I was going to be Somebody. The self-inflicted expectations, and pressure to be and feel important, with no clear vision of what that really meant, made me pursue dreams that were not mine. My loved ones happily helped me shape and imagine the goals I should achieve to gain their respect and, in the process, become important in their eyes and mine. For years, I tried to be all the things that I was never meant to be until I reached my boiling, and breaking point.
Lalla helped me let go of my expectations. I didn’t know where I was going, or what I would be doing, but I also was no longer afraid of failure and the future. I no longer had the strength or the will to plan my life, yet I had this know deep within that I would be alright.
Lalla and the elders were right, the best knowledge of all knowledge is knowing who you are. For, we all come into this world to fulfill our respective purposes. We can all learn from each other as long as we also choose to never belittle ourselves or repress and forget all that we are.
What Would Lalla Say?
On this bittersweet day, I channel the spirit of my elders. I can almost hear Lalla say:
“Anna don’t be sad. You can’t see me, but I am near.”
“I know. I just wanted to tell you that I’m grateful to you for guiding me and putting up with me.”
“You couldn’t see yourself, but I saw you. I saw all that was good in you… And I promised you that I would never leave until I knew you had found your way.”
“You kept your promise Lalla. I’m good.”
“I know. And I’m happy. Now you too can tell others the good that you see in them. Make sure that you keep doing good Anna.”
“I give you my word that I will try.”
The image and the voice of Lalla fade away putting an end to my late afternoon reverie. I am no longer sad… just grateful.
Dear reader, thank you for allowing me to share with you part of my love story with my grandmother. The picture above, is one of my favorite photos of Lalla. And so, until we come together again, be kind to yourself, and do not let the noises of the world make you doubt the voice inside your gut.